


I Want It

by TheatreSteph



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Exes, F/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Explicit Sex, POV Clarke Griffin, Sort of inspired by Green Light by Lorde
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26728351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheatreSteph/pseuds/TheatreSteph
Summary: Clarke doesn't know if breaking up with Bellamy was the right choice, nor if trying to get back together is a good one either.All she knows is that she misses him, and maybe wanting him tonight is more important to her than whatever happens in the morning.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	I Want It

**Author's Note:**

> So, I have piles and piles of assignments, but frankly, I don't care. I feel inspired right now, so I'm writing this.  
> The title and plot is sort of inspired by Green Light by Lorde.  
> I chose the below pictures of Bob and Eliza cause this is the Bellarke I'm picturing.  
> Enjoy!

__

__

_You can find me contemplating life from the best barstool in Arkadia_.

Maybe Clarke should have been ashamed by the amount of time she spent staring at Bellamy's most recent tweet, but frankly, she was done with shame. She'd wasted too many years hating herself for not seeing her past exes for the selfish arseholes they were, and even more for missing them. It had consumed her, made her feel weak, and she had come too far to fall prey to those feelings again. Bellamy could be a total arse half the time, but one thing he could never be was selfish. And so, regardless of whether it was good for her, she continued to stare at Bellamy's tweet until she made the impulse decision to change from her comfy jeans and t-shirt to her black dress with the low neckline and wide slit. The one he'd always loved on her.

As she curls her hair and applies her eyeliner, she lets herself briefly consider what any number of her friends would say if they knew what she was doing. Well, the mutual friends she shared with Bellamy, since they always knew they couldn't let becoming a couple ruin their group dynamic, regardless of whether they broke up. Monty and Harper would empathetically remind her of every reason why it was a bad idea, that the temptation wouldn't be worth the heartache they'd both feel the next morning. Jasper would tell her to have a drink and follow her instincts, advice to which Monty would call unhelpful. Raven and Murphy would each have more than one clever remark to contribute, but they would ultimately tell her to do what she does best: listen to her head, not her heart. In any other circumstances, she would tell Raven and Murphy to "fuck off", then listen to them anyway, because it's true; she always listened to her head. But then she thought of what Octavia would say, what she _had_ said months ago.

* * *

The morning after Clarke had broken up with Bellamy, she'd woken up to the stormy face of his sister storming into her apartment without waiting for an invitation. Knowing her close friend and former roommate wouldn't leave without saying her piece, Clarke sighed and closed the door behind her. The moment she'd turned to face the angry woman, Octavia yelled "What the fuck, Clarke?"

Steeling herself, Clarke tried to reply "Octavia, listen-"

"Don't you dare give me any of that bullshit! I know you! I know you were in love with my brother less than a week ago, I know you were in love with him since long before you got together, and I'm willing to bet you're still in love with him right now. So, I repeat. What the fuck, Clarke?"

"It's not your business!" Clarke cried, realising too late what a terrible deflection it was.

"It damn well is my business!" Octavia's sharp jaw clenched as she marched closer to Clarke. "He is my _brother_! _You_ are supposed to be my best friend! Tell me why the fuck you decided to break his heart last night so that perhaps I can find some way to still respect you!"

Clarke hadn't noticed the tears welling in her eyes, but she felt them when they fell down her cheeks. "Octavia... I can't be with him. I can't be with him when I'll never, ever be what he deserves! You're right, I do love him. I love him so much that it terrifies me! He's the best man I've ever met, and he deserves to be loved by someone as good and perfect as him."

Octavia gaped at her with sadness and confusion. "Clarke, he only wants you!"

"He deserves better than me!" she shouted through the tears. "Octavia, I want him to be happy. Without me, he can be! He can be with someone who will give him a beautiful life, who won't run away or fight him every time they feel afraid of their feelings."

She drew in a breath before saying the words that would haunt her. "He deserves someone who listens to their heart, not their head."

A heavy silence hung in the air as Clarke held her friend's damning stare. After what felt like hours but must have been less than a minute, Octavia shook her head and strode to the door. Clarke couldn't bring herself to watch her leave, but still listened to her last words on the subject.

"Deserve's got nothing to do with it. His heart wants you."

* * *

It had been six months, but she could still hear Octavia's words with painful clarity. She knew it was true at the time. Bellamy had tried calling and texting her for days, and it wasn't until he cornered her at the end of Jasper's birthday party that she finally heard his message.

"I love you," he'd whispered "and I know you love me, regardless of whatever fucking reason has made you give up on us. When you decide you're ready to fight for us, send me the green light. I'll wait."

Staring into his beautiful, brown eyes, she was too stunned to speak. She should have begged him not wait, not to waste his heart on her. The whole point of ending it had been to make him find someone better, yet she couldn't say it. Unable to find her voice, she'd fled the party entirely, internally screaming at herself for being such a coward.

Now, after dressing and fixing herself in the mirror for the fifth time, she heard Octavia's words again: _H_ _is heart wants you_.

And even louder, Bellamy's words: _Send me the green light. I'll wait_.

She picked up her keys and locked the door behind her, turning off the lights as she left. If she were lucky, she wouldn't be coming back tonight.

* * *

The drive was short, her mind on autopilot as she made her way to his apartment. She knew he was home because he'd called his kitchen counter the best bar in Arkadia the first time she'd stayed the night. They'd drunk whiskey then, and she was sure it wasn't a coincidence that he'd tweeted about drinking whiskey tonight. The message was for her. It was a test, and she couldn't decide if she was winning or failing. As she crossed the hallway and knocked on his door, she realised she didn't care.

Faster than she'd expected, the door opened, and her breath caught in her throat. He wore a plaid, brown shirt with the sleeves flatteringly rolled to his elbows, dark blue jeans, and brown boots. With his wild black hair and warm brown eyes, he looked like he should be on the cover of a _GQ_ catalogue, doing an interview about new findings on Greek mythology. Quite simply, he was beautiful. And he was looking at her, waiting for her to pick her jaw off the ground.

"H-Hi. Um... I saw your tweet." She was cringing inside, struggling to find something better to say.

He didn't look surprised by her reason for being there. "Yeah, I figured. Why else would you be here? Especially," he let his gaze travel down her body, lingering a little longer on her neckline and legs before returning to her eyes, "dressed like that."

She could feel the blush rising to her cheeks and fumbled for a response. "Uh, yeah. Well, you know, it's always nice to look good when you meet a friend."

His eyes narrowed slightly, not missing the vagueness of her answer. "So, is that what this? You're a friend coming over to another friend's home just to drink on a Saturday night, and look hot as Hell while doing it? If that's what this is, tell me now, Clarke."

She could have said yes. She could have backed out with a lame excuse, and nothing would have changed. She could have continued being a coward and going about life as if she didn't love him and miss him every single day. But looking at him, with his jaw clenched as if desperately holding himself back, and his passionate eyes slipping to her mouth, she felt all her doubt melt away.

"No, Bellamy." She smiled at him with all the love and desire she'd tried and failed to bury. "This is the green light." 

And just like that, he pulled her into the apartment, slammed the door behind her, and kissed her like a man starved. He held her to him with one hand in her hair and the other at the small of her back, pressing her so tightly it seemed like he was afraid she'd disappear if he let go. But she could never let go of him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and chased the softness of his lips with her own. He tasted like whiskey, but also like fresh rain, cool and sweet and so completely Bellamy.

Though she hadn't been there in months, they made it to his bedroom with ease. He trailed kisses down her neck as he undid the zipper of her dress and helped her step out of it. She undid the buckle of his belt and the buttons of his shirt while he left bruising kisses along her shoulders, sucking her skin as if to mark her as his. He only pulled away long enough to remove the clothes completely while she unhooked her bra and removed her underwear. Both hearts pounding, he gently pushed her down onto the bed, holding her close and interlacing their hands as they slowly, passionately rediscovered their love.

* * *

Clarke woke to the early-morning light through Bellamy's window, the sun still quite low in the sky. She felt Bellamy's arm around her, holding her back to his chest, and realised that their hands were still woven together. Her heart swelled with love for the man of her dreams, and as she listened to his steady breathing, she finally listened to her head and her heart, and they both wanted him forever.

She knew when he woke up that they'd have to talk, and she was okay with that. She would tell him everything. Her insecurities, her misguided belief that she was saving him from her, but most importantly, how deeply, truly, and completely she loved him. She would tell him, and right before she closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep in his arms, she felt and knew with certainty that they would be happy and together.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.  
> Now, the finale. See you on the other side!


End file.
